The Way I Am

We are all in a process of figuring out who we are and where we fit in in our world. When I look at myself in middle school I remember how dependent I was on other people's affirmation of what kind of music to like, what to wear, and what to be interested in. I wanted to be interesting, unique, fun, and yet I wanted to make sure I was interesting, unique and fun by others standards. When we walk around trying to figure out who we think others want us to be we lose so much of who we were made to be and it's SO exhausting! I think we've all gone through this kind of phase, and unfortunately many of us still struggle with this and may struggle with it for the rest of our lives. I don't think we will ever figure everything about our who we are but we get to be on this discovery of what we're interested in, what were passionate about, and what brings life to us. It has been a long time coming but it was my prayer and still is that I would be a very consistent person. Now, this doesn't mean that I live a mundane, routine kind of life but what I mean is that I am consistently staying true to who I am in every situation; no matter who I'm with. I'm not going to pretend that I've "made it to the top of the mountain" but I can see how far I have come and how much more comfortable I am in my own skin. I have to stay grounded and level headed and to do that I MUST have time to myself, in peace, alone, in the stillness. In these quiet times is when I am able to reflect on my day. It has always been a goal of mine to become a great journal-er and I am proud to say that I think I'm making some sort of progress. I think for us to be able to perceive ourselves and to present ourselves in a positive, consistent manner we have to know who we are and I think we figure those things out in those times of rest. We also learn a lot about ourselves as we get ourselves in uncomfortable and unfamiliar situations. I think those are the times we learn a lot about who we truly are and what our friends a truly about. Those times of being unsure are defiantly not always the most beautiful times but I believe that they are needed and they may be the most honest times.
With all of that said I am working first and foremost to genuinely perceive myself in a way that is reflecting to the things I stand upon; my faith. And through that I will be able to effectively let other people know who I am, what I'm about, my strengths and weaknesses. Even though, for most of us, it is scary to allow those around us to truly get to know how we work we must recognize that we were each created so differently and that is such a good thing. We have each been given different skill sets and different talents because if we were all walking around being good at the same thing, talking the same ways, having the same hair or being the same height, our world would look a lot less beautiful and we would have a lot less purpose.
When did you struggle the most with fighting with yourself about who you are?
What influenced those feelings the most?

Perceptions, the good and the bad

I feel like I could blog about how physical characteristics, psychological state, cultural background and gender affect my perceptions of the world around me for such a long time. So, I am going to try to condense my thoughts down and discuss the how physical characteristics affect the way I perceive different people.
I think most of us would like to believe we don't have nay presumed thoughts or biases about certain people or people groups but unfortunately that isn't the case. We have all grown up in completely different situations and we have each experienced and been affected by life in such unique ways. A lot of this is very positive because we each bring different perspectives to the table and we get to help each other out in seeing a bigger picture of what the world looks like. But on the other hand we also inhibit ourselves by some of our perceptions because many times they are not fully true and we miss out on opportunities to get to know other people. In the culture we live in physical attributes are very highly regarded for most people. Many of us have decided that the way we dress and our body shape says a lot about who we are as people. For me, body type has been quite a focus throughout my life. Anyone who has seen me notices two things right away. 1. I am extremely tall for a woman and 2. My hair is curly and huge. Today I have come to love both of these aspects about myself, I truly have. But this has not always been a case. I remember growing up and feeling like a giant in a sea full of short, cute people. I have always been much bigger than my closest friends and growing up I was the tallest in the class; taller than all of the boys. So as a awkward middle school student these aspects were not what I looked at as positive. These aspects have helped in shaping me as an individual. If I wasn't as tall as I am I would take for granted things like, finding jeans that were long enough and what it feels like to always stand out in a crowd. I have been so much more sensitive to other people and I have been put in situations to encourage other people, especially girls, about their body image. We have each been given the bodies we have for a specific reason. We are not a screw-up or a mistake. If we all looked the same things would be pretty darn boring. So, in this aspect I feel like it's been very positive.
On the flip side, at times I have some negative perceptions about people who I feel have "never" struggled with their body shape. This, obviously, is not the case. But I find myself subconsciously looking at people (specifically girls) who are what the world believes to be the "perfect size" and the "perfect height" and I become quite cynical. Thankfully, I know that no matter how "perfect" someone may look on the outside, we ALL struggle with the way we look and feel about who we are. It's been my prayer that I would be so careful about judging people because when we make those assumptions it's not just the physical characteristic we are judging, but we are actually judging the whole being of that person.
How do physical attributes affect the way you view at other people?

Impact

I remember sitting in my high school gymnasium with 500 others watching a young man, only 25 years of age, on the verge of tears while he told us all a story about how he killed his three best friends in a drunk driving accident. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to sit through, but I still can remember it to this day. The reason it was so memorable was because it was so genuine and raw. He was not trying to sell us anything and he was definatley not putting on a show for us. Instead, he was telling a big part of why he is who he is today. I remember him explaining the whole evening leading up to the crash but what hit me the most was his description of waking up in the car and seeing that all three of this friends were lifeless and not responding. I cannot even imagine the panic he went through. He went on to tell us he had to go to jail for quite some time and now he is paying off some of his time by talking to young people like us. You could tell from his nervousness that public speaking was not what he thought he would be doing with his life, especially about this, but he didn't have an option. Even through his nerves I still think that to this day it was one of the best speeches I have ever sat through. On more of a personal level, I made the decision to not consume alcohol before I turned 21 but it still scared the crap out of me that someone else could be on the road who is intoxicated. It also confirmed my thoughts of when I did decide to drink after I was 21 that I needed to be so careful about being aware of my alcohol consumption and also on if I was going to drive. I know for other students in my school the idea of drinking and driving hit very close to home so it was very impactful.
Another speech which was very impactful was the presentation of Invisible Children, a non-profit org, that comes to our campus every year. This organization is on the mission to rescue child soldiers who were abducted from their families and forced into becoming soldiers for the cruel and unjust leader, Joseph Koney. This movement was all started by three very unsuspecting young men from California who had a dream of film making and decided to head to Africa to see the world. While they were there they learned a lot of terrible information about the corrupt situation in Uganda and decided to bring this information back to the States. Since then they have established an organization that has surpassed anything any of them could have ever imagined. They are changing things, and I get the chance to be a part of it. The reason I am so informed is because the people working with and working for Invisible Children are so well informed. It's so exciting to be a part of a movement that is comprised of the younger generation and it's not something just thrown together or unorganized. No, instead they are so organized, professional, inventive, positive and they ARE making such a huge difference.

My question is, what kind of speaker are you more likely to respond positively to? Someone who is more factual or someone who is more personal? Why do you think that is?

Groups Build Character

Ever since I can remember I have been in group/team situation. Whether it's on the basketball or volleyball court, in the classroom, problem solving teams or within friends. I have been a part of many effective teams and I have also been a part of some that don't work so well...

The first thing that pops in my mind when it comes to a team situation that didn't work was my sophomore year of basketball. I had just been brought up to the Varsity team and I was more than excited to play. There was a very large group of upperclassmen who each had a very...unique idea of what leadership was. One of the girls on the team used an extreme scare tactic. You knew not to get in her way and that everyone was scared of what she might do if she did. She had a horrible attitude, got away with everything, yet still was one of the captains. It was a frustrating situation because she wasn't following the athletic code, she had terrible work ethic and was not always the nicest to the rest of the team. Another girl on the team was a control-er. She like things her way and she would be quick to correct you if you messed up. She and I were fighting for the same position so let's just say she was pretty hard on me. It was good because I toughed up but not in an encouraging sort of way. On top of these two colorful characters we had a lot of passive people who stood by and watched many unjust things happen. I was quick to realize that I had to be a quite leader. It was hard because there were many things I wanted to say but I knew I had to also earn respect from the rest of the girls. We will just say that I learned quite a bit.

On the flip side, this past summer I was a part of group of people who had a vision and a passion to start a college ministry in our church. It started as an idea and me and three of my best friends sat down all through the school year brainstorming and planning and watching this vision become a tangible reality. We asked three of our close guys friends to be a part of the a leadership team and they were all very excited. This was the beginning of the most amazing and unexpected summer ever. We had high hopes but we had no clue what God was going to do with what was once just an idea. To sum up what is quite an elaborate and exciting story (I LOVE talking about it!) we consistently had 50+ college-aged students coming together, discussing who Christ is, feeling comfortable to ask honest questions and we literally became a close community of people by the middle of the summer. The connection and respect and leadership we had on our team made this whole summer so much easier. We were willing and wanting to pick up each other's slack when needed and we each took so much ownership that we wanted to see things run smoothly. It was for one, a giant leap of faith and one of the most visual ways I have seen how faithful God truly is, and it was such a learning experience for us to watch something tiny grow into something so much more.

How have you grown from a bad group situation? Have those bad situations helped make your next group or team experience a more positive one?

Not Saying Anything Speaks Louder than Words

When I am in conversation with someone I try to be very aware of how they are feeling. Especially if the person I am talking with is someone I don't know very well I try to figure out where their comfort zone is or how they respond to me. I love to be honest with people and share my heart but sometimes that freaks people out or I need to try doing it in a less abrupt kind of way. That's the beauty of getting to know each other, we realize how very much a like and how extremely different we all are. Although this probably sounds very redundant I value eye contact in conversation. There are many different ways to interpret eye contact but here are a few of my thoughts.
If the person I am talking with maintains eye contact throughout our conversation I feel as if they want to hear what I have to say and they are interested to hear what I will say in response to their thoughts. Especially when I meet someone new and they give me eye contact I get really excited because they seem engaged in the conversation we are having. On the flip side, when someone will not look at you strait in the eyes it can mean a few different things. First and foremost I think it's just a comfort level thing. They probably are listening to you intently but staring someone in the eyes may be something more intimate or personal that they don't do with everyone. The other person could also be trying to avoid the conversation by looking busy or distracted. This doesn't work well with me and my close friends because we try to be so intentional about conversation that we are very aware when someone is not being themselves. I also thing the lack of eye contact can be a sign of embarrassment or guilt. It's a hard thing to look in some one's eyes if you know you've hurt them or let them down.
The phrase "whoever has the information has the power" is a sad, but in many cases a true statement. I don't believe this is the truth most of the time but because many people feel they have to live off of power that is the attitude they use in reference to the things they know. If we look at many different situations in our past we see this attitude. For example during much of our early history the ability to read was something only the wealthy were allowed to do. It was thought unnecessary to have the lower class (maids, slaves, etc) learn to read. Some feared they would gain too much knowledge and others thought they wouldn't be able to do it anyway. During the slave trade many slave owners had no respect for their slaves and would use reading against them, saying something said one thing even if it didn't. Even though many of these slave owners were probably less intelligent than most slaves they had to keep their higher rank and having knowledge of reading, writing among other things made sure they were in control.
How do you feel about eye contact? Does it freak you out or do you find it to be respectful?

Listen to me please...

I have defiantly had those conversations when I really needed someone to listen and give me feedback and that is not what I got from them. Most of the time they have been situations when people are just distracted by something else, not intending to be disrespectful or rude. Something I have been learning is to just ask if they heard me or let them know that I really need them to listen. Instead of getting upset the first time I've learned to be patient because I know there are times I am distracted and need things repeated.

I have been blessed with so many great listeners in my life. I can tell they are attentive because they are giving me eye contact and not verbal affirmation that they heard what I had just said. I love to hear what people think about the situation and many times my friends or family will help me to put things in perspective by speaking truth over me. I think some ways to avoid the problem of poor listening is to be intentional about tough conversation. I don't think talking in the middle of a big group about something really important is the best choice, sometimes it's inevitable but even if you can ask the person to step away from the noise and distraction it may make things so much better. I also think talking late at night is a really poor choice. My boyfriend, Ryan attends UW-Stevens Point and over these past three years of college we have learned that talking after midnight just isn't the best idea. You are tired and sometimes conversation can get dragged out because the other isn't responding the way you hoped. By just tweaking this simple thing our communication has been so much more effective and positive.

Right now I am in a class called Listening Skills and we are learning a lot about, well...listening...and how it goes overlooked because it is something we have been doing since we were in the womb. However, this doesn't mean we've learned to do it well. Albert Einstein once said "He definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". If we don't relearn how we listen in a more effective way we will be so much less impactful in working situations and in our everyday relationship.

Numero 2

It's amazing how many ideas, equations, situations and memories we have stored in our brains. Each of these things were somehow presented to us in an impactful way, otherwise we most likely would have forgotten them years ago. This doesn't necessarily mean those Physics equations were the most exciting things to memorize but we did it any way because it was required of us. When I look back on demonstrations or lectures or presentations that I experienced there are many reasons why I did so. I think the number one necessity for a presentation to mack any sort of impact is if the person who is presenting the information is passionate and excited about what they are talking about. I can totally tell when someone is only saying something out of obligation and annoyance or if they are truly excited to share what they have with their audience. This is how I feel about music as well. I may not love the style of music a band plays but by going to a live concert you can tell so much about the band. 1. If they are actually talented? and 2. Do they love what they're doing? Are they smiling and having a good time while they perform? Are they singing their music or playing their guitar with a great conviction that makes you want to experience those same emotions they seem to be experiencing? I look for this same quality in a someone who gives a speech or tries to persuade me to agree with something.

Secondly, I really appreciate eye contact and awareness of me, the audience. It's a scary thing to stand up in front of people you don't know but you can't avoid the fact that there are actual people listening to you. A presentation is so much more of a personal experience if you feel as if you are a part of it. I also think lack of eye contact and nervousness can come across as a lack of knowledge on whatever it is you're talking about. Unfortunately it doesn't matter if you know the information back and forth if you're not able to portray a sense of confidence to your audience. Along with connecting with the audience I really appreciate when I feel as if the person giving the presentation is able to level and be real with me. It's easy to get on a stage and try to sell a product but to be personable and put personality in it makes the whole experience a much more memorable one.

I am a very visual person so I enjoy to see movement or pictures. I've been a part of many acting and performing presentations where I was hands on and I learn very well in those kind of situations. This is because you're right in the middle of it, you 're a part of it, and you take on ownership of what is being presented. This also causes you to be alert and intent.

I guess I really learn from those who are willing to step beyond what most people's comfort level is and show me why I should listen to them. I want to feel as if I'm a part of something great and something that is real. You don't want to feel scammed or lied to.

Blog, The First

This is quite exciting, my first blog ever! I feel as if I'm entering a whole new level of my status online. Onto my thoughts on why I feel communication is required by colleges and universities. The skill of communication is such a vital piece in maintaining a job, a friendship, a marriage, in staying sane among many other things. Without knowing how to be an effective communicator we would be walking around as crazy people unaware of how to share our thoughts and feelings with anyone else and in turn our world would come to a stand-still. It is wonderful to attain knowledge but if we are not able to express it in an approachable and understandable way your words would go unheard and unaccounted for. You look at the most influential human beings in our world today and in the past, they were great communicators. Words like, "I have a dream.." and "Let it be" would have never been written down and remembered if it wasn't for the clear way in which the speech or song was given.

When I look at how communication is a part of my own life it makes me laugh because I am constantly communicating. Being a vocal music major I have been learning how to effectively stand on a stage in front of many people and portray a message for years. It has been a process to become comfortable exposing so much of yourself and being vulnerable, but it is such an amazing moment when you are able to connect with an audience. This goes the same with stage acting and class debates I have been a part of. Beyond these more professional situations I have taken bits of both my mom and dad's personality in that conversation comes pretty naturally to me. Many of my favorite moments have been hours over a cup of coffee with a good friend just sharing our praises and pains with each other. In both of these type of situations you must learn how to make your words mean something meaningful to get across the message you're trying to portray.

I enjoyed learning about what intrapersonal communication is. This term was not a familiar one to me but I think that it is the most important form of communication we have. To some this may be a bold statement but I believe that for ourselves to truly be effective in communicating with those around us we need to understand ourselves first. College has taught me a ton about that. I have been able to meet and be in relationship with so many different people who have different opinions than me on many different levels but they have been such life-giving relationships. This isn't to say that I changed my moral or ethical value because of them but it has helped me to look beyond myself and into another perspective. But before I was able to do that in a effective way I had to know how I felt on some issues or where I stood on certain subjects. Many times, especially with our busy schedules we don't take the time to stop and digest what is going on in our lives. We are so busy with meetings, class, work, friends, homework, boyfriends or girlfriends, that we don't take the time to know what we are feeling or how we are doing. As we understand ourselves better I believe we will be able to understand those around us in an even bigger way.