Not Saying Anything Speaks Louder than Words

When I am in conversation with someone I try to be very aware of how they are feeling. Especially if the person I am talking with is someone I don't know very well I try to figure out where their comfort zone is or how they respond to me. I love to be honest with people and share my heart but sometimes that freaks people out or I need to try doing it in a less abrupt kind of way. That's the beauty of getting to know each other, we realize how very much a like and how extremely different we all are. Although this probably sounds very redundant I value eye contact in conversation. There are many different ways to interpret eye contact but here are a few of my thoughts.
If the person I am talking with maintains eye contact throughout our conversation I feel as if they want to hear what I have to say and they are interested to hear what I will say in response to their thoughts. Especially when I meet someone new and they give me eye contact I get really excited because they seem engaged in the conversation we are having. On the flip side, when someone will not look at you strait in the eyes it can mean a few different things. First and foremost I think it's just a comfort level thing. They probably are listening to you intently but staring someone in the eyes may be something more intimate or personal that they don't do with everyone. The other person could also be trying to avoid the conversation by looking busy or distracted. This doesn't work well with me and my close friends because we try to be so intentional about conversation that we are very aware when someone is not being themselves. I also thing the lack of eye contact can be a sign of embarrassment or guilt. It's a hard thing to look in some one's eyes if you know you've hurt them or let them down.
The phrase "whoever has the information has the power" is a sad, but in many cases a true statement. I don't believe this is the truth most of the time but because many people feel they have to live off of power that is the attitude they use in reference to the things they know. If we look at many different situations in our past we see this attitude. For example during much of our early history the ability to read was something only the wealthy were allowed to do. It was thought unnecessary to have the lower class (maids, slaves, etc) learn to read. Some feared they would gain too much knowledge and others thought they wouldn't be able to do it anyway. During the slave trade many slave owners had no respect for their slaves and would use reading against them, saying something said one thing even if it didn't. Even though many of these slave owners were probably less intelligent than most slaves they had to keep their higher rank and having knowledge of reading, writing among other things made sure they were in control.
How do you feel about eye contact? Does it freak you out or do you find it to be respectful?

Listen to me please...

I have defiantly had those conversations when I really needed someone to listen and give me feedback and that is not what I got from them. Most of the time they have been situations when people are just distracted by something else, not intending to be disrespectful or rude. Something I have been learning is to just ask if they heard me or let them know that I really need them to listen. Instead of getting upset the first time I've learned to be patient because I know there are times I am distracted and need things repeated.

I have been blessed with so many great listeners in my life. I can tell they are attentive because they are giving me eye contact and not verbal affirmation that they heard what I had just said. I love to hear what people think about the situation and many times my friends or family will help me to put things in perspective by speaking truth over me. I think some ways to avoid the problem of poor listening is to be intentional about tough conversation. I don't think talking in the middle of a big group about something really important is the best choice, sometimes it's inevitable but even if you can ask the person to step away from the noise and distraction it may make things so much better. I also think talking late at night is a really poor choice. My boyfriend, Ryan attends UW-Stevens Point and over these past three years of college we have learned that talking after midnight just isn't the best idea. You are tired and sometimes conversation can get dragged out because the other isn't responding the way you hoped. By just tweaking this simple thing our communication has been so much more effective and positive.

Right now I am in a class called Listening Skills and we are learning a lot about, well...listening...and how it goes overlooked because it is something we have been doing since we were in the womb. However, this doesn't mean we've learned to do it well. Albert Einstein once said "He definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". If we don't relearn how we listen in a more effective way we will be so much less impactful in working situations and in our everyday relationship.

Numero 2

It's amazing how many ideas, equations, situations and memories we have stored in our brains. Each of these things were somehow presented to us in an impactful way, otherwise we most likely would have forgotten them years ago. This doesn't necessarily mean those Physics equations were the most exciting things to memorize but we did it any way because it was required of us. When I look back on demonstrations or lectures or presentations that I experienced there are many reasons why I did so. I think the number one necessity for a presentation to mack any sort of impact is if the person who is presenting the information is passionate and excited about what they are talking about. I can totally tell when someone is only saying something out of obligation and annoyance or if they are truly excited to share what they have with their audience. This is how I feel about music as well. I may not love the style of music a band plays but by going to a live concert you can tell so much about the band. 1. If they are actually talented? and 2. Do they love what they're doing? Are they smiling and having a good time while they perform? Are they singing their music or playing their guitar with a great conviction that makes you want to experience those same emotions they seem to be experiencing? I look for this same quality in a someone who gives a speech or tries to persuade me to agree with something.

Secondly, I really appreciate eye contact and awareness of me, the audience. It's a scary thing to stand up in front of people you don't know but you can't avoid the fact that there are actual people listening to you. A presentation is so much more of a personal experience if you feel as if you are a part of it. I also think lack of eye contact and nervousness can come across as a lack of knowledge on whatever it is you're talking about. Unfortunately it doesn't matter if you know the information back and forth if you're not able to portray a sense of confidence to your audience. Along with connecting with the audience I really appreciate when I feel as if the person giving the presentation is able to level and be real with me. It's easy to get on a stage and try to sell a product but to be personable and put personality in it makes the whole experience a much more memorable one.

I am a very visual person so I enjoy to see movement or pictures. I've been a part of many acting and performing presentations where I was hands on and I learn very well in those kind of situations. This is because you're right in the middle of it, you 're a part of it, and you take on ownership of what is being presented. This also causes you to be alert and intent.

I guess I really learn from those who are willing to step beyond what most people's comfort level is and show me why I should listen to them. I want to feel as if I'm a part of something great and something that is real. You don't want to feel scammed or lied to.

Blog, The First

This is quite exciting, my first blog ever! I feel as if I'm entering a whole new level of my status online. Onto my thoughts on why I feel communication is required by colleges and universities. The skill of communication is such a vital piece in maintaining a job, a friendship, a marriage, in staying sane among many other things. Without knowing how to be an effective communicator we would be walking around as crazy people unaware of how to share our thoughts and feelings with anyone else and in turn our world would come to a stand-still. It is wonderful to attain knowledge but if we are not able to express it in an approachable and understandable way your words would go unheard and unaccounted for. You look at the most influential human beings in our world today and in the past, they were great communicators. Words like, "I have a dream.." and "Let it be" would have never been written down and remembered if it wasn't for the clear way in which the speech or song was given.

When I look at how communication is a part of my own life it makes me laugh because I am constantly communicating. Being a vocal music major I have been learning how to effectively stand on a stage in front of many people and portray a message for years. It has been a process to become comfortable exposing so much of yourself and being vulnerable, but it is such an amazing moment when you are able to connect with an audience. This goes the same with stage acting and class debates I have been a part of. Beyond these more professional situations I have taken bits of both my mom and dad's personality in that conversation comes pretty naturally to me. Many of my favorite moments have been hours over a cup of coffee with a good friend just sharing our praises and pains with each other. In both of these type of situations you must learn how to make your words mean something meaningful to get across the message you're trying to portray.

I enjoyed learning about what intrapersonal communication is. This term was not a familiar one to me but I think that it is the most important form of communication we have. To some this may be a bold statement but I believe that for ourselves to truly be effective in communicating with those around us we need to understand ourselves first. College has taught me a ton about that. I have been able to meet and be in relationship with so many different people who have different opinions than me on many different levels but they have been such life-giving relationships. This isn't to say that I changed my moral or ethical value because of them but it has helped me to look beyond myself and into another perspective. But before I was able to do that in a effective way I had to know how I felt on some issues or where I stood on certain subjects. Many times, especially with our busy schedules we don't take the time to stop and digest what is going on in our lives. We are so busy with meetings, class, work, friends, homework, boyfriends or girlfriends, that we don't take the time to know what we are feeling or how we are doing. As we understand ourselves better I believe we will be able to understand those around us in an even bigger way.